Colorado + Utah + Arizona = Best scenes you've ever seen!

Okay kids, now it's nice that you've found some donuts, but be careful not to get your fingers dirty.

What did I just say?

On the way from Texas to Denver, Colorado, we took a detour to a place called Pike's Peak. It was a track on some video game and somehow it possessed our driver to experience this.

Many hours in the Charger's hot backseat had built some frustration, which culminated in this epic battle of the front seat.

I'm a delicious Corn Dog and I'm watching this noisy thing called Demolition Derby.

 

Even Denver had some awesome party action going on. Just remember to carry your passport to the bars to avoid unnecessary cab rides to your motel back and forth. Also, if you're not into Mexican gay guys and their chubby sisters, I suggest you skip the Tequila-afterparty.

In addition to drunken Mexicans and fighting prostitutes, a genuine motel experience in the States also demands some good old fooling around with the random stuff that has been piling up during the journey.

Next pics on this blog post are dedicated to one of the best scenery mankind will ever witness. Get ready to be amazed.

Now all these goofy guys are trying to ruin this picture, but no, the scenery makes it impossible.

You're standing in a painting made by the God and this is the best pose you could do?

My dear friends, let me introduce [drum fanfare] the Horseshoe Bend. 

I could do thousands of these selfies here and they would all be unique and awesome.

Wait. What is this picture doing here between these awesome scenery pictures. Can someone warn me if I'm using too much of the word "awesome". Is there a better word describing this?

Yes, I get that it's a wonderful view down there, but tell me, how hard can you cuddle?

Moab in Utah is the mecca of mountain biking. Just be sure not to get overconfident in these trails, because it'll most definitely get you eating dirt at the end.

I forgot the name of these three rocks, but they were worth seeing. If you're not driving a fancy muscle car with low clearance, you could hit some extra dirt trails circling these rocks.

At the end the Grand Canyon seemed like just another big rock formation, that was overpopulated with tourists. It shows how great rocks there were along the route.

Big Texan 4th of July

When it was time to set off, we took the westbound route towards Texas. Once you arrive to Texas, the cars get even bigger, speed limits rise and the bullet holes in the road signs multiply.

Galveston at the Gulf of Mexico is a medium size Texan coastal city. It's a beach resort designed for cars and their drivers. If you're walking at the beach boulevard without a car, you'll propably be honked at for being silly.

Schlitterbahn is a waterpark which has a weird fetish for german language. It's so popular that even the amoeba, that eats peoples brains in these type of water installments, can't dilute the desire to have a schlitterrific time here.

 

Houston we have a problem with the traffic.

While we were heading to Austin, one clear sign of us getting closer was when the co-driver stopped navigating and started drinking booze from a paper bag.

So what are all these people doing here? Are they waiting for the president to arrive or is there about to be a perfect solar eclipse? Even better. There are millions of bats about to leave from under the bridge.

Some US Army soldiers were refreshing their combat training skills at Austin at the eve of 4th of July.

 4th of July celebrations works as an excuise for some to wear a gape instead of pants.

 

Austin's 6th street was the party hub for the restless souls. Whole buildings all the way to the rooftops on the street are dedicated to live-music and clubbin'. The party on this street doesn't stop by itself, so police will empty the street when it's time to go to sleep.

Group pictures with random people never fail.

Massive fireworks were displayed at the end of the 4th of July evening. Thousands of people were gathered to the shores of the Colorado River to have their paper bag beers and some picnic -type eatables. Also some patriotic wind instrument music was played at the backround. Very American moment indeed.

Amarillo in the northern part of Texas has a restaurant called Big Texan Steak House. This place should have a Michelin star, because it boldly fights back against the global vegetarian uprising. It sure is wrong in many ways, but sometimes it's better to embrace the wrong things in life in order to fully understand them.

The canyon of Palo Duro lies in the panhandle of Texas. It's the second largest canyon in the US and it's weirdly hidden from it's surroundings. You'll be able to witness it's magnificence just when you're about to reach it's edge. When you reach the bottom of the canyon, there's some wonderful wildlife spotting available for you nature lovers.

Nawlins

From Memphis we moved south towards New Orleans. Along the route was a small town called Vicksburg. According to the research it had some potential of being a great destination. Unfortunately you shouldn't hope too much from every stop you take.

If I get a comment someday, I hope it's going to be to this post telling me what kind of fish is this in the pic and what killed it.  

Top two sights and the only sights in Vicksburg were the Casino Boat and a battlefield drive-thru. The Casino Boat is a nice venue, but be aware that the doormen are all dyslexic and can't read english from other countries driving licences if the date of birth is mentioned in a slightly different spot then in the local one. Ancient battlefield drive-thru is like a wildlife park / safari without any animals. Both attractions I enjoyed very much.

Vicksburg served as a nice time-out before the next epic party capital of the Deep South, Nawlins.

If you were looking for a nice relaxing city holiday with your grandma, you made a wrong turn somewhere along the way. Nawlins is a place for the once-in-a-lifetime party pilgrimige. We had no trouble with this fact and that's why this blog post contains mostly party related incidents.

Just like Katrina did few years ago, we flooded the street of New Orleans with our bold party attitude.

Epic party dudes like the Green Goblin served as an inspiration to us all. We learned our moves from the very best US has to offer.

When you spot Akon on the dance floor, you're propably just about to have sex.

The feeling when you realize you're competing with a guy who swallows swords.

If we say regular toast is like a paper plane, Muffuletta is the space rocket of all sandwiches. It's contains more ham then an average family has on their christmas table.

In the streets of Nawlins you are unstoppable. Even the traffic cones serve for your amusement.

Honky tonks of Tennessee

After the Blue Ridge Parkway and after a city called Asheville, which is on the south end of the Parkway, the road got pretty boring. It's basically highway traffic, trucks, gas stations and hamburger joints hundreds of miles until you reach Memphis.

At long drives like this you must learn the art of driving with cruise control. When you reach the experienced level you can do it like this - without legs and from the backseat. 

The best thing about American food is that everything comes in a form of junk food. Even a salad is served with a couple of pizza slices.

A vacuumed pickle was propably not the smartest choice of snack from the gas station, but at least you might enjoy the junk food a little bit more after this.

About halfway from Asheville to Memphis was a city called Nashville, which is known as the music city of the US. Some other city might disagree with this statement, but it sure had plenty of musical shit going on.

In fact, the city is so musical, that some people give away free music for people who have no music.

During daytime, the best activity in Nashville is a water bottle race down the steps of a governmental building. The trick is to have just the right amount of water in your bottle to have the perfect momentum.

The best activity during night-time is honky tonking, which is just an other word for getting wasted.

There was a certain honky tonk dance, for which every local knew the steps. It was almost as common as diabetes in these neck of the woods.

There is no such thing as collective responsibility. Someone left the trunk open at the parking lot of Graceland.

Graceland, the museum/home of Elvis Presley covers Elvis's personal stuff as extensively as Louvre in Paris covers the art and history of France.  

Baseball games are an exception to the rule, that the focus should be on the Budweiser, and not on the ball.

Elvis might be the king of rock'n'roll, but horsemask is the king of all masks.

Stupid street drinking rules don't apply at the highstreet of downtown Memphis. The citizens have this one street to drink freely from open containers. Now I understand what it means when they say US is the land of the free.

How would you feel about wearing a blue wig, playing drums in the middle of a dance floor and getting the attitude from a black dominatrix? If you're into that sort of action, Memphis has just the right nightclub for you.